Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
