I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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