How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
