I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I met the friendliest cop last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
