My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
