i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
