I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
