I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
