Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
