literally had 100 drinks last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
