I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
