i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
