So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
