at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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