shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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