ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
