R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
