We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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