1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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