That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
