So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
