Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
