the condom got lost in my hair
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
