I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
