Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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