your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
