My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
