Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
