Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I want to fling myself into the sun
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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