My liver just broke up with me...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
