We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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