Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize