Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She's like a pop up book from hell.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
