grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
