apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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