my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
