Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
