I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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