dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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