just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
