That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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