i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
