I smell stomach acid.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
