I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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