Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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