Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
