So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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