Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
