i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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