just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
