If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
